Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
