We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
