Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
