absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
