he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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