I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
