that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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