Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
