I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
