when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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