I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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