Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
