I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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