There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
