My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
