Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
