I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
