he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
