Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize