so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
