The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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