Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
