So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?