somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you