mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you would pick up someone in the library
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
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tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
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My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties