Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.