I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.