He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You had me at "let me see your balls"