His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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