the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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