Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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