Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
