Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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