Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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