It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
