$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
