I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
