is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
