Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
