mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
