Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
