Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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