Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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