First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
