i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
