Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
