Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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