Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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