i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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