Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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