He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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