I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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