Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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