If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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