I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
