$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
