He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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