I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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