i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
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Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
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It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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