Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
