and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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