She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So. Much. Porn.
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