i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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