oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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