This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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