I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I want a musical about memes.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
