ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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