I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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