Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
