kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
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I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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