I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fuck me I smell like cheese
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
