Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
why is half of my head shaved?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
