She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize