Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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