Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think I am morally bankrupt
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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