I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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