ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i think my tv is drunk
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
