Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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