I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
