I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
