I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
whose ass print is on the piano?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Someone came in the potted fern
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
