I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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