thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
