Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
