We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
