my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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